There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
