She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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