we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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