Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
