i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
