Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
