It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
