My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
