Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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