I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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