Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
