what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
we're so committed to being not committed
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize