I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
