That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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