these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
