we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize