I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
