He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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