turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
