look no pants
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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