Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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