Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
