Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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