Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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