Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
