Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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