we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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