Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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