Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
