She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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