Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
