I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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