I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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