You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
