In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
