He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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