hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
