Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize