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the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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