I am spending my child support on dildos
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
