we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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