are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize