Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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