Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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