I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
