I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
