I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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