every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
