i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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