The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
