is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
