That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
