people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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