I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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