so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
