I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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