She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize