I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
