This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Randomize
