my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
