Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
