Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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