i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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