I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
