This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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