no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
