So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize