My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
