I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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