told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
