Please, let me fuck your mom
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
