Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
be right there i have to get my cape
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
